Jan 23, 2016

The “Not So Silent” Siri

As photographers, we’ve all been put in this predicament in one way or another. We attempt to wake up at the crack of dawn, chug yesterday’s pot of coffee, turn our creative brains on and scurry out the door… all for a wedding an hour and a half away.

Did you see what I missed there? BREAKFAST. “It’s the most important meal of the day,” they say. On wedding day this speaks the most truth!

Ash & I are always on time, buuuut sometimes just barely! Usually, we have enough time to stop and grab two waters, one for each of us, and a granola bar to go before we embark on the detail shooting section of our day. In this particular wedding’s case, we did not. Let me just tell ya, we get along swimmingly every other day of the year… unless hangry-itis is involved. It’s only then that we keep our distance from one another. 

You’re on your feet constantly when you’re shooting a wedding and you can’t sit down for a second, except for the rare occasion that sitting is best for the shot and even then, it’s never comfortable! You end up in this weird pretzel-thing because you do your best to not look lazy and you just end up looking crumbled up and weird! 

We started off our day armed with coffee, so I’m over here thinking “sour patch kids, hot dogs, spicy hot cheetos…” There HAS to be a Casey’s near by!

It’s been a few hours of shooting at this point, and we’ve finally found our ticket to escape! The ceremony has just ended and in 25 minutes, our wedding party is scheduled to meet us at a park that’s only 5 minutes away. We are GOLDEN.

As we exit the building, both sides of the family begin to awkwardly (and so very quietly, I might add) line up for the grand send-off of the bride and groom. It’s one of those instances when noone knows what to say to each other.

As guests are lining up, Ash Bee runs to grab her camera bag in the back of the church, and I make my way through awkward-city! (If you know anything about me, you probably know I hate crowds and people love to stare at the girl with all of the gear that’s dressed like she’s attending a funeral!)

“Let’s do this!” I thought to myself as I begin to head through this large family tunnel of fun. Naturally, I look down at my phone and (because we’ve been running on low-fuel for awhile) I type “nearest food.

Let’s be real here, food is above my fear of crowds right meow when it comes to ranking my priorities.

I’m so pleased to see that my iPhone hasn’t failed me and there’s a sub shop right around the corner! Still walking through the tunnel of fun… I type it into my maps.

LO AND BEHOLD, Siri decides to embarrass the crap out of me. “Starting new route to Subway” she says over her abnormally loud microphone voice as I walk SMACK in the center of the crowded room of silence…

I look up at everyone astonished. Of course, I’m the one to make one big obnoxious “HA!” in this room of silence because of course I thought Ash Bee was right behind me… but she wasn’t. 

It was just me. ‘HA-ing’ to a room of people staring at the funeral-girl with the gear.

Then to top it all off, Siri thinks my nervous “HA!” was a statement and continues her betrayal with an “I’m sorry I didn’t get that.” 

Siri, GET THIS. We can no longer be friends. 

 

Thanks Siri.

Signed,
The Embarassed Photographer

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